I have an appointment with the worker at dhr at 2 today.

i am filled with a sense of dread.

I am praying.

constantly.

for Peace.

and Patience.

and Control.

and Understanding.

Letter from DHR we got today.

Feb, 2, 2010.

Mr. and Mrs. CH

Your application to foster and adopt has been received in the office. I regret to inform you that the Department can not accept your application at this time. Your foster home was closed in 2006 due to  sexual abuse of a foster child by your son S. Although S is no longer living in the home, it must be assumed that he will continue to maintain contact with the household as he is Mr. Ch's child. The Department can not ensue the safety of children placed in the home due to past history of abuse and your inability to protect.

Again i regret to inform you your application can not be accepted. If you should have any questions please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,

Worker.

ok, so. now what?

They told us if S completed his therapy and worked the program that he should be just as much a threat as the average child. They told us if we completed parenting classes and therapy along with S that we would would have a better understanding of S, the incident, and how to handle situations like this better.  We may be able to reapply once he graduated. This proved to be false hope.

Then they told us we may be able to foster after S wasn't in the home anymore. This proves to be false hope.

What kills me, absolutely KILLS me, is the one line "your inability to protect."

I regret EVERY moment that i chose to trust S. I truthfully had no idea that i needed to protect that child from S. It never occured to me that S would be so stupid as to go along with his request and then try to hide it from us. My "your inability to protect " is truthfully my own stupidity and gullibility.

What is there to do?
I could call her, leave messages until i'm blue in the face, and wait for her to never return my calls.  I could go up to the offices and request a meeting with her and ask just what it is that we need to do to be able to be trusted again and approved to adopt. I could call S's therapists and ask them to call DHR and talk with the worker for me and plea my case. Ask them to inform her of how well S did, how well he completed the program, graduated, behaved on Probation, and has followed all the rules for registration. I could beg that they inform her how well Ch and I  grew accostomed to the new rules and regulations on our family. I could ask that they inform the worker how we attended parenting classes and therapy for almost two years. I could ask the Probation officer to vouch for how we consistantly had S anywhere he needed to be for his probation or registration.

I could just ask her what i can do to be able to adopt? Will i EVER be able to? Will anyone approve us?

Will 15 mins of a verry poor choice of trusting my child (FOUR YEARS AGO) forever ruin our chances of completing my dream?

i suppose here is where i just bow down and accept that "Yes, it will." and that we will never adopt.

never.

i just can't handle that.